Dr Judith Orloff's Blog

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's "Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love ”

There is much speculation and anticipation about the advent of the winter solstice on December 21, 2012. This is the date that the Mayan calendar ends and their prediction of the 2012 Galactic Alignment phenomenon, which happens every 25,800 years or so. Some say this represents an opportunity or gateway for the re-birthing of humanity and our planet if we can come together and realize the strength of our collective unity. This means there’s no arbitrary division between Us and Them. That’s only our small-self’s hallucination, but one that can kill off civilization.

In Positive Energy I emphasize that every human being is of one family, a truth I’d bet my life on. Alas we no longer have the luxury to keep debating this. Our Earth, our home, is being plundered. No survival without Her. The fate of our species, of all species, depends on caring for nature’s ecosystems. At a subtle energy level, when wilderness is raped, so are we. When oceans are poisoned, our bodies wail. Causes of physical and emotional suffering are not as pat as they may seem. No coincidence that depression is epidemic and cancer is ravaging so many people dear to us. In our own way, we energetically process the surrounding violence. There’s a metabolism between the exchange of nations, communities, the earth, and our bodies. We must do our part to fight for the abundance of a healthy Earth and its people.

Recognizing that the path to peace is not outside us, we must be cognizant of the energies we project. Remaining naive to this is irresponsible; so is lip service. Though talk alone can uplift, its power pales next to embodying the change we long for. Practicing what we preach is the imperative of our millennium. It may be hard, we may falter, but so what? There’s no escaping that our energy as human beings collectively mingles. “Evil doers” never do it alone. Apathy to healing makes us their accomplices.

The key to this realization is that love is a sustainable energy. Always remember that. The mandate is simple. If you’re tired, love. If you’re happy, love. At your final breath, love some more. When it feels utterly impossible--such moments arrive--try to love again later. I promise: you’ll never leave empty handed when the heart is true. There comes a point when we must decide what our endgame is going to be, personally and for the planet. To me, the only one that makes any sense is love. It’s how we have to define ourselves beyond all other criteria. This will ensure the health and abundance for all.

The present informs the future. So make your present bright. A belief in love is unstoppable. You’ll have the courage to do anything. I want to share with you from my book, Positive Energy an interview I did with the legendary Rosa Parks, the mother of the civil rights movement and recipient of the Martin Luther King Jr. Nonviolent Peace Prize. Rosa Parks exemplifies what the power of love can accomplish.

Interview with Mrs. Rosa Parks from Positive Energy

On December 1, 1955 in Montgomery, Alabama my decision not to give up my seat on a bus to a white passenger was intuitive and spontaneous. Like usual, I was just headed home from work at the department store. I was forty-two then, had always thought about freedom. My grandfather and mother taught me that all human beings were equal. But on that bus I just knew that we, as a people, had suffered too long. Even though I was afraid to make a protest--I risked being beaten or killed--I set my mind not to give in to fear. I couldn’t continue to be mistreated for no reason. Then things would never get better. After my arrest, the bus boycott began. We were fortunate that Dr. Martin Luther King, at twenty six, was willing to take the lead. After 381 days of the boycott, the Supreme Court overturned the old laws and made segregation illegal on public transportation in Alabama. This became the model for other southern states to change. I don’t feel angry or victimized about the past, just grateful that the conditions we were under came to an end. If you stay angry at other people, you might miss finding friends among those you were angry with.

I believe that the most positive quality in the human spirit is love. The most negative quality is hatred that has no reason. We can create a more loving world by learning to respect our differences, not judging them. Hatred, like other negative emotions, is a choice. If you choose kindness and humanity you will have peace and prosperity. It also comes from being generous to others when there is no benefit to yourself. My friend, Dr. King, set a profound example for me and many others. He was an extremely kind person. He understood the soul of man.

I know that we can achieve Dr. King’s dream of a world where we come together and live as one. Love, not fear must be our guide. I see a world where children do not learn hatred in their homes. Where people don’t call each other names on the basis of skin color. I can see a world free of violence, where people from every race and religion work together to improve life for everyone.

As we step through the threshold of December 21st let us as one family, hearts joined, keep saying a prayer for the world: “May our people and planet be healthy. May our people and planet be happy. May suffering be lifted. May we know enduring peace.”

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's "Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love ”

Energy comes from humor. However, each of us, even the crotchety, must locate our sense of what’s funny, raucous or wry. Although jokes often elude me, I really respond to the spontaneous comedy of life itself. I get a huge kick out of quirky little things such as children squealing as they pop bubble wrap. I consider loss of laughter a crime against psyche and spirit. With my patients, laughter’s absence never gets by me; I make it my business to notice when it’s missing, and help them recoup it. Otherwise, laughter-less, they’re unknowingly living in energetic poverty. We don’t ordinarily equate lack of laughter with deprivation, but, from an energy perspective it is.

Here are some pointers from my book Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love I give patients to help them reconnect with their inner child to get them laughing. In this exercise be authentic, have fun, and feel the positive energy. Sometimes laughing has become so alien, it helps to have a plan.

5 Strategies to Reconnect with Your Inner Child and Laugh More

Reclaim your inner child’s life force
Every grown-up has an inner child. Both are distinct energetic aspects of our life force. For full vigor, each must be accounted for. Your inner child may need urging but it wants to be embraced. (Having kids often naturally spurs this reconnecting process in parents who otherwise might never get there.) For starters, bring out your baby or childhood photos. Really look at them. The photos can rematerialize shelved energy. Next, with photo in hand, promise to honor that child’s needs. For example, I promised mine: “You’ll never have to smile for a camera again unless you want to--”an expectation I despised when growing up. Recall ordeals you had to endure; vow no repeats. Also, begin to recognize when your inner child is in jeopardy. The tip offs? Perhaps you’re laughing less, feeling overtired or overworked.

Find activities your inner child loves.
Explore what your inner child genuinely finds fun or funny. First, recall activities from your youth that made you smile. Miniature golf. Bugs Bunny. Elmer Fudd. The fast-forward chipmunk voice you get from inhaling a helium balloon. Memories can get rusty laughter synapses cranking. Second, see what sorts of fun your inner child responds to now. Peruse the newspaper’s leisure section, ask friends what’s funny, check out genres of comedy from standup to radio.

Seek out people who laugh.
We absorb funniness by osmosis. Hearty laughers spread those positive vibes to us. What counts most, though, is the energy behind the laugh, not just sound or facial expression. Take the Dali Lama’s infectious giggle which comes from a place of love and wonder--its healing energy goes straight to our hearts. The other extreme are people who have grins on their faces, but whose laughter often stems from malice or psychic pain. So confusing. They’re laughing, yet you’re being slimed with negative vibes. There’s no joy coming your way. Don’t be fooled; trust your energetic assessment.

Play with children.
Children have PhD’s in play; their lack of inhibition is contagious. Spend time with them. If you’re lucky enough to be around infants, watch how they grin at six weeks, then laugh at four months, a natural instinct. Or observe children at play; they haven’t learned to guard their emotions or hold in squeals and giggles. They’re just beaming. Try to open your heart, and absorb these vibes.

Set you intention to laugh as much as possible.
From the moment you wake up in the morning, look for things to laugh about. Regularly laughing buoys our energy field, reverses learned seriousness. If our parents had said at breakfast, “Be sure not to miss out on any laughs today,” it’d be a lot easier. But most didn’t, so we have to teach ourselves. At Santa Monica’s Wellness Community, cancer survivors have laugh-a-thons. They share jokes, crack up at just about everything including medical misadventures, and know that this will help healing. Real wisdom we all can benefit from, but let’s not wait for a health challenge to catch on. So, be amused by whatever you can, especially your own foibles. Laughter is a way of cherishing your energy.

I see laughter as a survival tool. As Emerson says, “The earth laughs in flowers.” When you laugh at something everything lightens up. Whatever tightness you have, that particular log jam is broken. The energy of your life force begins to flow again.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller, “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

As a psychiatrist, patience is an invaluable skill that I teach all my psychotherapy clients. In my book Emotional Freedom I emphasize the importance of patience as a coping skill and how to achieve it. Frustration is not the key to any door. Patience is a lifelong spiritual practice as well as a way to find emotional freedom.

We need a new bumper sticker: FRUSTRATION HAPPENS. Every morning, noon, and night there are plenty of good reasons to be impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. Rejection. Disappointment. How to deal with it all? You can drive yourself crazy, behave irritably, feel victimized, or try to force an outcome--all self-defeating reactions that alienate others and bring out the worst in them. Or, you can learn to transform frustration with patience.

Patience doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but power. It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act. I want to give patience a twenty-first-century makeover so you’ll appreciate its worth. Patience has gotten a bad rap for the wrong reasons. To many people, when you say, “Have patience,” it feels unreasonable and inhibiting, an unfair stalling of aspirations, some Victorian hang-up or hangover. Is this what you’re thinking? Well, reconsider. I’m presenting patience as a form of compassion, a re-attuning to intuition, a way to emotionally redeem your center in a world filled with frustration.

To frustrate means to obstruct or make ineffectual. Frustration is a feeling of agitation and intolerance triggered when your needs aren’t met; it’s tied to an inability to delay gratification. At our own risk, we’ve become too used to immediate results. Emails zip across the globe in seconds. Parents text messages to their kids to come in for dinner instead of yelling from a front porch. You can get the temperature in Kuala Lumpur or the Malibu Beach surf report with a click of a mouse. Despite the digital age’s marvels, it has propagated an emotional zeitgeist with a low tolerance for frustration--not just when you accidentally delete a computer file, but in terms of how you approach relationships and yourself. Without patience, you turn into your own worst taskmaster. You treat spouses and friends as disposable instead of devoting the necessary time to nurture love. But with patience, you’re able to step back and regroup instead of aggressively reacting or hastily giving up on someone who’s frustrating you. You’re able to invest meaningful time in a relationship without giving up or giving in. In fact, patience gives you the liberating breath you’ve always longed to take.

Frustration prevents emotional freedom. Expressing frustrations in an effort to resolve them is healthy, but it must be done from a non-irritable, non-hostile place. If not, you’ll put others on the defensive. Wallowing in frustration leads to endless dissatisfaction, placing us at odds with life. This emotion makes us tense, kills our sense of humor. It also leads to procrastination; we put things off to avoid the annoyances involved. Conquering frustration will revive your emotional life by making it your choice how you handle daily hassles and stresses.

I’m defining patience as an active state, a choice to hold tight until intuition says, “make your move.” It means waiting your turn, knowing your turn will come. Once you’ve gone all out toward a goal, it entails trusting the flow, knowing when to let the soup boil. With patience, you’re able to delay gratification, but doing so will make sense and feel right. Why? Intuition intelligently informs patience. It’ll convey when to have it and if something is worth working on or waiting for. As a psychiatrist, I’m besotted with patience because it’s intimately intuitive, all about perfect timing, the key to making breakthroughs with patients. I can have the sharpest intuitions or psychological insights, but if I don’t share them at the right moment, they can do damage or else go in one ear and out the other. With regard to this, I strive for enormous patience; anything less would impede healing.

I’m also struck by the fact that every world religion sees patience as a way to know God, an incentive for me to practice it, and perhaps you too. Whereas frustration focuses on externals, patience is a drawing inward towards a greater wisdom. Lastly, patience doesn’t make you a doormat or unable to set boundaries with people. Rather, it lets you intuit the situation to get a larger, more loving view to determine right action. Patience, a gift when given or received, moves within reach when you can read someone’s deeper motives.

To practice patience, try this exercise. I do it all time to turn frustration around in long lines. I advise my patients to do this too.

Emotional Action Step. Practice Patience In A Long Line

To turn the tables on frustration, find a long, slow-moving line to wait in. Perhaps in the grocery store, bank, post office. Or if you’re renewing your driver’s license, dare to take on the mother of all lines in the DMV. But here’s the switch: Instead of getting irritated or pushy, which taxes your system with a rush of stress hormones, take a breath. Tell yourself, “I’m going to wait peacefully and enjoy the pause.” Meanwhile, try to empathize with the overwrought cashier or government employee. Smile and say a few nice words to the other beleaguered people in line. Use the time to daydream; take a vacation from work or other obligations. Notice the stress release you feel, how your body relaxes. Lines are an excellent testing ground for patience. To strengthen this asset, I highly recommend standing in as many as possible.

Practicing patience will help you dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not act rashly out of frustration, all areas of your life will improve.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness

As you go through the intuitive healing process you need to know: each of us has our own special power. We carry it within; it waits to be awakened. Call it your inner self, your spirit, or light--however conceived, you must meet and come to know your core-essence. The source of all intuition, it is your fiercest ally and advocate against danger. By connecting with this part of yourself you'll mount confidence, feel safer in the world. Then whatever or whoever crosses your path--even the devil incarnate--will be no match for your resilience.

I want you to flush out beliefs that divert you from your intuitive healing power. Begin by asking yourself, "What in my life throws me off center and why?" I'm referring to everything from a stranger flashing you a dirty look, to fear of rejection, to dealing with someone in pain. Interactions where your energy dims. Weak spots, points that need securing. And what about negativity? How do you deal with yours, or another's? If a supervisor says, "You'll never be successful," or an ex-lover announces, "You're incapable of a healthy relationship," do you buy into it? We each have our triggers. The basis for centering and protection is grasping where we get caught, and then disengaging the trigger.

Four common beliefs that drain your intuitive healing power:

1. I'm not strong enough to protect myself.

As children, many of us aren't taught to believe in the full power we contain. Yes, our parents may support our intelligence, talents, physical attractiveness--even teach us sound ethical values, the difference between right and wrong. But what happens to our inner self? Might even devoutly religious parents fail to realize it is there? Our starting point is to recognize we possess a very real internal source which enables us to deeply see and know. Yet when something goes wrong, frequently our first impulse is to look outside ourselves for someone to "fix" us. We get sick; we rush to the doctor. We become depressed; we call a therapist. We're in pain; we take a pill. It's fine to seek expertise--but we have it backwards. Look inside first. Really, it's not a big blank in there. Then act on what your wisdom tells you. What stops us? A likely culprit is the vulnerable child we each carry within. Mogul or mailman, mother or monk, this aspect of our psyche yearns to be taken care of, protected, and is unequipped to do it alone. He pops up in the darndest circumstances, reducing us to a helpless tiny tot. Of course we must tenderly acknowledge her needs--but know where to draw the line. Would you want a baby running your boardroom? Your life? Remember: Your inner self is more than your inner child. Far grander--capable of ministering to all your needs--is the radiance of your spirit. Feeling this, knowing this, is the best protection of all. You must become your own champion before anyone else can. When you believe in yourself, no one else can diminish you.

2. Other people's negative thoughts can harm me.

In my workshops, I'm struck by how worried participants are about being thwarted by other people's negative thoughts. Such concerns need to be addressed. On an intuitive healing level, ill intentions or feelings can affect us, creating anxiety or physical dis-ease. We must train ourselves to deflect them. What is negative energy? Any force antithetical to your well-being. How does it turn up in everyday life? Let's start at the lower end of the spectrum. Your neighbor doesn't approve of you. A friend puts down your plan to start college at forty. Your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend is sending you bad vibes. What do you do?

Strategies to develop intuitive healing:

Don't lead a lifestyle based on assuming others are out to get you. This perpetuates fear.

If someone is sending you negative thoughts, avoid dwelling on them. The more attention you pay to negativity, the more influence you give it.

Focusing on the strength of your inner self is the best defense against negativity, no matter how dramatic its manifestation. If you are solidly connected to yourself, nothing can get you.

3. I'm too sensitive for my own good.

The arch-enemy of intuition is lack of sensitivity. Know this: There is no such thing as being overly sensitive. To grasp the concept, you may have to reconfigure old ideas that have been drummed into your head. When parents or teachers said, "You have to toughen up," or especially with boys, "only sissies cry," unknowingly they were undermining the very crux of your intuitive tie with the world. Male sensibility, in particular, has been bludgeoned by such rigid conditioning. But, for both sexes, to break down childhood armoring requires extraordinary commitment, trust, and resolve.

What I'm speaking of isn't simply expressing your emotions. It's slowly learning, in your own time frame, to remain wide open to an intuitive realm--being one with the wind, the moon, other people's joys, sorrows, the continuum of life and death. From this comes an intimate ecstatic bond with all of existence, exactly what you don't want to protect yourself from. Sensitivity only turns against you when you feel overwhelmed. But how do you stay receptive and not get obliterated by the intensity of such input? It is possible to remain vulnerable and feel safe. The answer is never to shut your sensitivity off but to develop it as a creative resource.

4. It’s my job to take on the pain of others.

We're trained that as big-hearted people it's laudable to try to relieve the pain of others. A homeless person holding a cardboard sign, "I'm hungry. Will work for food" at a busy intersection; a hurt child; a distraught friend. It's natural to want to reach out to them, ease their angst. But many of us don't stop there. Inadvertently, we take it on. Suddenly we're the one feeling desolate, off kilter, bereft, when we felt fine before. This loss of center is what I want to address. It does not serve us. I am adamant: the most compassionate, effective route to healing people is to be a supportive presence, not attempt to live their pain for them. Moreover, sometimes suffering has its own cycle that has to be respected, hard as that may be to witness.

We must lie to rest the old metaphysical prototype of the empathic healer. Typically grossly obese women (extra weight, they mistakenly argued, was the only way to stay grounded), who cured patients by absorbing symptoms with the technique of laying on of hands. The result? Patients would leave feeling better; the healers would be a sickly wreck. These women were convinced such a sacrifice was necessary to lessen the suffering of others. As a young physician, I almost got snagged in the same trap. During the first months of private practice, I used to drag myself home, flop into bed half-dead from everything I'd absorb: a sure path to burn-out. This tack wasn't good for me or my patients.

I've learned the value of being a catalyst for people's growth without compromising my well-being. Patients themselves have taught me I can't do the work for them. That is not my job. Nor is it yours. Keep this in mind: it is none of our business to deprive anyone else of their life experiences. I understand the impulse to want to make things better. Compassion and the desire to console are human. But there's a fine line between supporting someone and trying to do it for them. No matter how well-meaning or heartfelt your intention, doing too much is not an act of love but of sabotage. You can be caring and honest with someone, yet still let them be. Don't equate honoring their growth process with abandoning them. A practical philosophy of intuitive healing must include preserving your energy as well as serving others. Striking a balance is essential.

Learn the Art of Reading People's Energy

(Adapted from “Guide to Intuitive Healing: Five Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness by Judith Orloff MD)

I want to guide you through the process of selecting a health care practitioner to match your needs. I'll point out qualities to look for and those to avoid. Here are some guidelines to follow. Also use common sense combined with intuition to choose the right practitioner for you. Who you let touch your body, prescribe medications, and counsel you about vital health strategies is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.

In Guide to Intuitive Healing I discuss in detail the do’s and don’ts when evaluating or looking for a doctor. Many of us have stuck far too long with a health care practitioner when we didn't follow our intuition on whether they were a good fit for our needs. Seek out someone who blends intuitive and technical skills implementing as many of the following guidelines from my book as possible.

QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR

Notice if your doctor:

Takes time to listen to you
Does he or she pay attention and let you fully explain why you are there? Is there good eye contact or is your doctor staring down at a clipboard or a computer screen?

Is technically qualified
Does your practitioner have sold credentials? For example, an MD, Ph.D. or RN? Is he or she licensed? Is your alternative healer certified, and/or does your healer have a good track record with patients? Do you know anyone who can vouch for his or her high level of care?

Isn't offended if you ask for a second opinion
If needed, is your doctor open and non-defensive about getting another point of view? Will he or she recommend a trustworthy colleague?

Presents you with options and is knowledgeable about (or at least open to) alternative health techniques
Are you told the pros and cons of a few possible treatments? If you ask, for example, about acupuncture, will your doctor react with an open mind? If you say, "Here's an article about my condition, would you be willing to read it and discuss it with me?” How does your doctor respond?

Honors your intuitions and preferences about your body
If you say, "My intuition doesn't feel good about this plan of action," does your doctor factor it into the decision making? Or will he or she chide you, "Be serious that's not very scientific?" Does your doctor encourage you to know your body's needs?

QUALITIES TO AVOID

Notice if your doctor:

Rushes you through an office visit
Are you interrupted by your doctor taking phone calls? Do you overhear him or her making dinner reservations or golf dates? Does your HMO doc really make those fifteen minutes count? Or is he or she abrupt? Distracted? Do you get cut off repeatedly or before you're finished explaining why you're there?

Approaches you with a demeaning "holier than thou" attitude, talking in jargon
Are you told, "I'm the doctor. I know what's best for you?" Does he or she insist in using complex medical terminology even though you've said it confuses you? Does your doctor refuse to explain things in simple terms?

Isn't professionally accredited or technically skilled
Is your doctor unlicensed? Has his or her license ever been revoked? Do you know of any complaints of wrong-doing from other patients?

Makes you feel guilty or foolish for asking questions
Does your doctor dismiss or minimize your concerns remarking, "You're overly sensitive," or even worse, "You created your illness?" Is he or she patronizing, saying, "It's over your head. I can't explain your condition in a way you'd understand."

Doesn't return phone calls within twenty four hours
When calling, are you told, "The doctor's busy and will have to get back to you," then doesn't? Is he or she hard to reach during an emergency? Do you have the sense that your doctor's always tied up with something more important than you?

It is your right to access who is the right health care practitioner for you. Taking responsibility for your choice by evaluating the above criteria will lead to a more positive and productive relationship with your doctor. The care and time you give to finding the right health care practitioner is very empowering. It allows you to become an integral part of your healing process. When you and your doctor are on the same wavelength, communication about all aspects of your health will be vastly improved.

If you want to see what your body will look like tomorrow, look at your thoughts today.
                     --Navajo saying


Your body is programmed for survival. Heeding early warnings protects your health.  Familiarize yourself with how your body speaks to you. It wants you to be well. It will tell you if you are not. Hippocrates wrote over two thousand years ago, "There is a measure of conscious thought throughout the body." This is practical wisdom you can live by.

In my book “Dr. Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing” I describe how your body is a richly nuanced intuitive receiver—and how you must be aware your body’s signals to completely heal. This may require some adjustment of how you think about health. As a physician, I’ve seen that many people are trained to function from the neck up denying the rest of their bodies. I want you to re-orient yourself, to respect the intellect, but attend to your body’s messages as well. Being aware of the body can open intuition because you’re focusing on your physicality, getting out of your head and into your sensual awareness. This may mean noticing the early signs of pain so you can act on them, trusting your gut about relationships, or awakening your sexuality. We can't afford to ignore life-informing signals your body sends. 

It’s vital to re-train yourself to override mechanisms you’ve developed to push through discomfort. To prevent illness I’m going to show you how to pay special attention to physical distress signals. Honor your body’s messages; don't discount them. Simple prompt action is sometimes all it takes. If you're tired, rest. If you're hungry, eat a delicious meal. If you're stressed, get a relaxing massage. The price of not listening? You come down with the flu; your back goes out. You still don't listen? Chest pain. Ulcers. Depression. The thermostat gets turned up until you pay attention.

To listen to your body and get a headstart on warding off symptoms get used to detecting the quieter messages your body sends. It’s important to listen to what your gut says, whether it’s tied up in knots or relaxed-- this intuition can inform all your decisions by pointing you to people and situations you’re comfortable with. Also notice your energy level around people. Does it go up or down? Your body picks up on this quickly. Try to surround yourself with positive people. This will improve your health and wellbeing. Here are some signals your body sends if it’s out of balance. Some of them you may recognize right away.

5 WARNING SIGNS YOUR BODY SENDS (from “Dr. Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing”)

Do you ever walk around feeling "off center"? Oddly numb? Out of focus? Detached? As if you're somehow missing a beat? How long do you tolerate this sense that your body just isn't right?

Do you sometimes feel "toxic," as if you're coming down with the flu though there are no other signs of it?

Have you experienced unexplainable symptoms that may have gone on for years? A knot or emptiness in the pit of your stomach? A lump in your throat? An aching heart?

Do you ever have a distressing sense of rawness or feeling exposed? Everything seems to get to you and you feel you have no defense?

Are you chronically tired?

If you answer “yes” to any of these questions it’s worthwhile to begin by taking a general inventory of your health and stress level. What areas can be improved upon? Examine everything from the amount of exercise to alone time to your relationships. Make sure you’re allotting enough space to recharge. Though the above changes may seen relatively minor, on an intuitive level they indicate early difficulty. To start, do your best to pinpoint and remedy problem areas.

To detect your body’s warnings, both quiet and loud, requires increasing your sensitivity to the nuances of its messages. The art of listening entails sensing smaller symptoms before they become full blown. Mindfulness is key. Denial is the antithesis of intuition. We must do what we can to get past it. As a physician, I’ve seen time and again how increasing body awareness facilitates prevention of illness and more vibrant health. Listening to your body is a powerful step towards self-care that benefits wellness in all areas.

As a psychiatrist I know that there is more to overeating and obesity than meets the eye. Genetics play a role, as do hormonal and psychological triggers. However, one big reason that many diets fail is that traditional weight-loss programs don't factor in how we process energy.

Sensitive people, whom I call emotional empaths in my book "Emotional Freedom," unknowingly overeat in response to being overwhelmed by stress, anxiety or negativity. Empaths are extremely sensitive and become an emotional sponge for the stress of the world -- they absorb it into their bodies. If this is you, the following information will be helpful. (To find out if you are an empath, take the "empath quiz" in my companion blog, "Are You An Emotional Empath?")

Here's the energetic theory of obesity: When empaths are thin, they have less padding, are more vulnerable to absorbing stress. Early-twentieth-century faith healers were renowned for being grossly obese to avoid taking on their patients' symptoms, a common trap I've seen modern healing practitioners also unconsciously fall into; food is a grounding device. Similarly, many of my patients gain weight to protect against stress at home or at work. Energy is at the root of an empath's hunger. Try these strategies from my book "Positive Energy" to cope with the energy of stress without abusing food.

Interventions to Halt Energetic Eating

When the impulse to overeat hits:

1. Discern addictive craving from a true need.

Addictive craving, a symptom of nutritional abuse, is a frequent response to energetic overload. Here, you eat certain foods addictively; this leads to obesity. Whenever you keep lusting after sweets and carbs, be suspicious. With cravings, you eat to relieve stress, not to build energy. Try to identify addictive foods and limit them.

With a true nutritional need there's no lusting after food to guard against stress. A true need comes from a centered place, not from self-medicating emotions with comfort foods or obsession. Feeling healthily nurtured from food never involves mood swings -- sedation or elation -- but rather an even feeling of satisfaction. A true need lets you enjoy your meal, optimizes energy and doesn't lead to obesity.

2. Quickly pinpoint energetic triggers of addictive cravings.

Immediately ask yourself: "Was I exposed to stress?" It could have been an obnoxious neighbor or phone messages from your mother. Don't write off the "smaller" incidents, which notoriously send empaths motoring to the refrigerator. Don't panic. Pinpoint cause and effect. Clear it quickly once you've been slimed.

3. Breathe stress out of your system.

Take a five-minute break for damage control. Slowly inhale and exhale. Breath activates your calming endorphins (natural painkillers) and releases stress from the body. Practice this visualization: Just as your lungs take in oxygen and expel toxic carbon dioxide, breathe in peacefulness and clarity, breathe out stress. Breathe in vitality. Breathe out fear. Repeat this exercise until you feel calmer.

4. Try a three-minute meditation.

Another way to calm yourself before you run to the refrigerator is with a three-minute meditation. I recommend keeping a meditation cushion in front of the refrigerator to remind yourself to meditate before opening the door.

5. Set healthy limits and boundaries.

With stressful people, limit the time you spend listening to them, and learn how to say "no." Remember, "no" is a complete sentence.

6. Take a bath or shower.

A speedy way to dissolve stress is to immerse yourself in water. My tub is my refuge after a busy day; it washes away everything from bus exhaust to long hours of air travel to personal unpleasantness.

7. Eat with attunement.

Develop a diet that satisfies your energetic needs. Let energy motivate why you eat; it's more important than taste or dietary dogma. Whatever you put in you mouth that is healthy, run it by your energy meter; see what truly nourishes or depletes. For instance, does chicken give you more energy than fish? Tomatoes more than carrots? You must test out foods in your body. Even foods you've shunned become more attractive when your experience their energy lift.

8. Visualize a protective barrier around yourself.

Research has shown that visualization is a potentially healing mind/body technique.

Food is no place to be passive. The interventions I'm recommending in this blog will allow you to take an active stance in eating healthfully. You don't have to let stress lodge itself in you. To stay on top of your eating, do a daily check-in. Stay alert for cravings prompted by energetic triggers. Watch your responses. I promise, your eating habits will change.

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Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

If you want to see people flip their lids fast, try invading their personal space. These intrusions cause our stress hormones to skyrocket and can affect our physical and mental health. Blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension are all affected. Thus, the public outrage at new intrusive security pat downs of passengers in airports.

What is personal space? In "Emotional Freedom" I emphasize its main aspects. First, it's the invisible border that surrounds us and sets our comfort level when we interact. Depending on our preferences, it can range from inches to feet and varies with situations, upbringing and culture. (Elephants have a no-go line of a few feet around them; cross it and you'll hear a noisy trunkful or be charged.) Most Americans need an arms-length bubble around them. Second, personal space refers to the border that guards your physical and psychic privacy. You have violate it by barging in on your spouse when he or she needs to be alone. Other types of violations can include sound, odors, sneezing on someone if you have a cold, or cyber intrusions such as spam. You can also intrude into someone's property or turf, a breach that can ignite gang violence or wars between nations.

To better understand your own needs about personal space, and to reduce stress, be aware of the following triggers.

Ten Common Personal Space Intrusions:

         *Hearing the blather of someone's cell phone conversation while waiting in line.
         *Telemarketers.
         *Loud music, loud people, loud machinery, or loud cars.
         *A dog lifting its leg preparing to pee on your roses.
         *Internet cons, schemes and spam.
         *Gym hogs who won't let others work out on the equipment.
         *Air pollution, toxic fumes (for example, car exhaust), strong perfume.
         *Tailgaters or slow drivers.
         *A person talking too close in your face or backslapping.
         *Intrusive airport security pat downs.

Why can personal space intrusions make our blood boil and boost our stress level? Aside from being obnoxious, rude, dangerous or unhealthy, they violate a primitive instinct that we're not safe or respected. When we experience such violations, our brains actually react as if we were still back in 50,000 B.C. Research shows that personal space disputes, such as neighbor feuds about overgrown foliage, are evolutionarily prompted responses aimed at guarding resources and ensuring survival.

Tips to Honor Your Personal Space Needs and Reduce Stress

When someone intrudes on your personal space, don't act impulsively. Take a breath. Stay calm. Decide how you want to respond. Sometimes you'll opt to address the issue directly. If so, it's most effective to express your needs with an even, non-accusatory or angry tone.

Option 1: Set Limits

1) Talk to your family and friends.
We often get short-tempered when we're overwhelmed. Even a brief escape will relieve pressure and lets you emotionally regroup. Plan regular mini-breaks at home. Tell your kids that you need five minutes in the bathroom with the door shut and that they may not intrude. Tell your mate that you want to read in a separate room when the television is on. Or set limits with a friend by saying that you'd like to refrain from late-night phone calls. Conveying your needs with kindness can lead to more loving relationships.

2) Speak up with others.
When you have an ongoing interaction with someone, it's useful to set kind, firm limits -- then show appreciation when the offender adheres to them. For instance, in a sweet voice, I asked a man at my gym who's constantly on his cell phone, though they are banned, to please not use it so that others could relax. Initially he snapped, "Well, I wouldn't want to disturb you!" but I just smiled back at him and sincerely said, "That is so kind of you, sir. I appreciate it." Here, sweetness worked. At least around me, he never used the phone again. In some circumstances, though, resolving the conflict might involve more discussion and mutual compromise.

3) Avoid toxic situations.
Avoid or minimize contact with those who don't respect your needs. For instance, don't drive in a car with a rageaholic. (Anger's poisonous energy is intensified in cramped spaces). Or don't travel with someone who's an obsessively chronic talker if you want to be quiet and unwind.

Option 2: Practice the Zen Approach

1) Let it be.
Sometimes it's more aggravation than it's worth to confront intruders who you'll never see again: the motor-mouth woman in the airport ticket line, the guy who steals your parking space. One mellow friend told me, "No one cuts me off in traffic anymore because I let everyone in!" When faced with a "Let it be" scenario, your sense of equanimity is the greatest victory.

2) View the personal space intruder's insensitivity with compassion.
Remember, they're usually not doing it to you personally. Maybe they're just having a bad day. Maybe they lack the good sense or manners not to intrude. Or perhaps they're so egotistical or inconsiderate they're only concerned for themselves, a crippling deficit of heart. Or, if they're being malicious, perhaps it's a great weakness and darkness within them./p>

When someone intrudes on your personal space, stick to the high road. Try to remedy the problem using the above tips. It's tempting to get nasty, which may provide a fleeting release, but it has no real gains. I'm so adamantly against payback because it's completely devoid of compassion for the offender or any desire to improve how we humans relate.

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