Dr Judith Orloff's Blog

7 Habits of Surrendered People

 
Judith Orloff - Wednesday, February 26, 2014

(Excerpt from Dr. Judith Orloff's national bestseller The Power of Surrender: Let Go and Energize Your Relationships, Success, and Well-Being)

Surrender is a positive, healthy state. Being a surrendered person does not mean one is beaten down and so hopeless he or she has "given up." It's quite the contrary. Surrender is a state of living in the flow, trusting what is, and being open to serendipity and surprises.

As I write in The Power of Surrender, adopting the behaviors and habits of surrendered people helps us improve our relationships, feel love and gratitude, get healthier, give up destructive people and behavior patterns, and become more successful and influential in our lives and careers. And that's just the tip of the iceberg as far as benefits go.

In my medical practice, I've identified specific habits of surrendered people that dramatically enhance their health and allow them to excel in many aspect of their lives. Here are seven of them:

They recognize they can't control everything.
Being a control freak makes us tense, stressed out, and unpleasant to be with. Surrendered people understand that they can't always change a situation, especially when the door is shut. They don't try to force it open. Instead, they pay attention to their own behavior, look at the situation at hand, and find a new, different, and creative way to get beyond the obstacles.

They are comfortable with uncertainty.
Fixating on the outcome or needing to know all the details of an upcoming event, such as a trip, causes people to be upset when things don't go their way, overly focused on the future, and unable to bounce back easily. Inflexible people are susceptible to anger, distress, and depression. Surrendered people go with the flow, shrug it off when an unplanned situation happens, and tend to be happier, more lighthearted, and resilient.

They remember to exhale during stress.
We have two choices when things pile up at work or we're surrounded by energy vampires who leave us feeling depleted. We can get frantic, hyperventilate, shut down, and become reactive. Needless to say, these responses to stress just make us more stressed. Surrendered people have the ability to pause, take a deep breath, and observe. Sustaining silence and circumspection are two behaviors that lead to better, healthier outcomes.

They are powerful without dominating.
The most influential person in the room isn't the one who is being a bully, talking loudly, and imposing him- or herself on others. Surrendered people understand that true power comes from being respectful and listening. Surrendered people know themselves and are empathetic toward others. They don't measure themselves by how much they are liked, nor do they compete for attention. When they sit quietly in a room, others always seem to come to them.

They feel successful apart from their job or net worth.
Surrendered people enjoy life, relish their personal development, and value their friends. They may have an exceptionally good career and be wealthy, but they are more concerned with meaning and fulfillment. The drive to acquire money and power is a behavior that drains people of their passion and emotional connection to others.

They can admit when they're wrong.
People who hold on to grudges, insist on being right, and try to change other's minds have a difficult time maintaining healthy, happy relationships. Surrendered people easily forgive. They are open to new ideas, and aren't attached to being "right." As a result, people love working and collaborating with them. Others seek them out as mediators and advisors. They are more laid back and relaxed than their rigid counterparts, which makes them highly valued by others.

They are passionate and emotional.
People who feel the need to push and control tend to keep their feelings bottled up. As a result, they get shut down or remote, and their feelings come out in twisted, unhealthy ways. They become irritable, passive-aggressive, or volatile, for example. Surrendered people make great lovers. They can be spontaneous and playful. They love to feel and express all of their emotions. They look vibrant, healthy, and energetic.

Want to find out how "surrendered" you are? Take a free quiz HERE.

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Judith Orloff, MD is author of The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, upon which her articles are based. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, the Oprah Magazine and USA Today. She is a New York Times best-selling author of Emotional Freedom, The Power of Surrender, Second Sight, Positive Energy, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Connect with Judith on  Facebook and  Twitter. To learn more about empaths and her free empath support newsletter as well as Dr. Orloff's books and workshop schedule, visit her website.

Comments
Kimberly Cutting commented on 22-May-2014 11:06 PM
I discovered something interesting about surrender in regards to dealing with my emotionally vampiric mother that actually allowed me to protect myself from her and get threw to her combining 2 techniques: shielding and vulnerability in an interesting way... I had never been able to maintain a good shield against her and I was tired of getting hurt and just plain tired, because she'd been draining me relentless and I hadn't been able to sleep well and while I was talking to her I decided to just relax and stop even trying to fight it and I discovered that when I wasn't trying to consciously keep up the barrier and block all her negative energy at once and just stopped fearing or caring about what she had to say & how it could hurt me my subconscious mind shined threw strong and I could see the white light barrier enveloping me and I felt something unexpected... wind. Like a breeze was blowing threw me like I was transparent and intangible like a thin curtain or a window screen. I felt like the barrier shielded what it could and what it couldn't handle just "blew right threw me" like a cool swift flowing breeze. I had done it! I found my "Ah Ha Moment" where I had figured it out finally know what it means and how it feels to be vulnerable yet strong. I never thought I could do it & never dreamed it could work for me as weak and emotionally battered as I felt, but in a moment of surrender I relaxed my mind and found it! I was even able to get close to her, get threw to her in a conversation and cry with her for a moment and I think for a moment she stopped acting like a splitter, a narcissist, a controller or a victim and she heard me out understood me.

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