I’ve been married to a narcissist for over ten years. I’ve had it with all his manipulations and hurtful behavior. If I leave, will I ever heal? How long will it take?
Ellen in Dallas, Texas
Answer: First of all, know that no matter what pain you’ve been through it will get better. The longer you were in the relationship the more challenging getting out may feel. In answer to, “How long does that take?” here are some healing patterns I’ve observed. When you first leave, it is common to feel a huge rush of relief. Then a crash occurs when your fears and doubts creep in. But the further away you get from the narcissist, the faster these feelings will transform and heal. In the first days and months after separating, I’ve watched patients experience initially fleeting moments of relief, then hours. But taking a firm stand and creating boundaries helps it last longer and longer. You will have to go through pain, as is true of withdrawal from a heavy drug. To help you get through this reach out for support, show a lot of self-empathy and set firm, clear limits as you complete your exit. For more information, please check out The Empath’s Survival Guide and go right to the chapter on “The Toxic Attraction Between Empaths and Narcissists.”
Hope this helps.
Judith Orloff, MD is the New York Times best-selling author of The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People. Her latest book Thriving as an Empath offers daily self-care tools for sensitive people along with its companion The Empath’s Empowerment Journal. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times and USA Today. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA and has a TEDX talk. Her other books are Emotional Freedom, The Power of Surrender, Second Sight, Positive Energy, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Explore more information about her Empath Support Online course and speaking schedule on www.drjudithorloff.com.