Are You In an Obsessive Relationship?


Are You In an Obsessive Relationship?

Obsessive patterns in relationships can include constantly thinking about someone, continually checking your phone to see if he/she texted, ruminating about what this person is doing or not doing, and feeling afraid of losing the person.  Bonding with a partner is a natural part of getting to know someone and of falling in love. But getting overly attached goes beyond healthy bonding and is disempowering. When you truly love someone you’re not interested in possessing the person or keeping him or her in your clutches because you’re afraid of losing the relationship. Instead, you respect your partner’s autonomy and spirit.  Obsessive / possessive relationships can be very painful. Take the following quiz to determine if you have obsessive patterns.


Do you cling to your partner?YesNo
Do you want to possess him or her??YesNo
Are you often afraid of being abandoned or betrayed?YesNo
Do you get anxious when you don’t hear from him or her every day?YesNo
Do you constantly think about the person?YesNo
Do you start obsessing about a partner after you have sex?YesNo
Does your partner feel you are trying to control or suffocate him or her?YesNo
Do you feel you can’t live without the person?YesNo

How to interpret this quiz:

  • 6-8 yeses indicate that you are extremely overly attached.
  • 3-5 yeses indicate that you are moderately overly attached.
  • 1-3 yeses indicate that you have a tendency to overly attach.
  • A score of zero indicates that you have healthy bonding with your partner.

This quiz is excerpted from The Power of Surrender by Judith Orloff MD

(Learn more about how to develop healthy relationships in Chapter 6)

Click on the link to read Dr. Orloff’s blog on How to Deal With an Obsessive / Possessive Relationship


Judith Orloff, MD is a New York Times bestselling author with the upcoming book The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Yourself, Your Relationships and the World (Foreword by the Dalai Lama). She has also written The Empath’s Survival Guide and Thriving as an Empath, which offers daily self-care tools for sensitive people. She integrates the pearls of conventional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, empathy, energy medicine, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in her private practice and online internationally. Her work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times and USA Today. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA, TEDx U.S. and TEDx Asia. More information about Dr. Orloff’s Empathy Training Programs for businesses, The Empath Survival Guide Online Course and speaking schedule at

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