10 Secrets of Loving an Empath

loving an empath

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Empaths Survival GuideEmpaths often have special challenges in intimate relationships because of their intense sensitivities. Intimacy stretches our hearts so that we can become more loving, open people who will honestly express our needs. To flourish in intimate relationships, we must learn to authentically communicate and set clear boundaries for us to feel at ease and not get overloaded.

The right love relationship empowers empaths. Being valued and adored makes us more grounded. When empaths have an emotionally available partner who honors their sensitivities, they feel secure and supported.us.

Empaths have issues to resolve in relationships no matter how good the match. If you’re embarking on or have been in a long-term relationship, here are some points to discuss with your partner about how to love an empath. The following are common challenges and adjustments necessary to create successful relationships.

10 Strategies to Love an Empath from The Empath’s Survival Guide

1. Value regular alone time to decompress and meditate
For an empath, having alone time in a relationship is about self-preservation. It’s not just a luxury. Balance alone time with people time. Regularly take what I call “a golden hour” to decompress. Also get in the habit of having many mini breaks throughout the day. Tell your partner how vital this is for you because empaths need to think and process alone to regroup. This time-out gives you space to internally work through issues about the relationship too, so you have more clarity later with your partner. When you lovingly explain this to your partner, he or she is less likely to feel rejected or take it personally. Make the issue about you and your own sensitivities.

2. Discuss how much time you spend socializing
Non-empaths often like to mingle, but empaths (especially the introverted type) have a much more limited capacity and truly enjoy being alone in situations where others would prefer being social. Try to compromise with a non-empath mate in these circumstances.

3. Negotiate and make adjustments in physical space
Breathing room is essential. Decide what kind of space you need and establish some ground rules with your partner. Ask yourself, what arrangement work best? Is it having a private area to retreat to: separate bathrooms (a must for me!), separate wings or apartments or houses?

4. Focus on a single emotional issue and don’t repeat yourself!
Empaths can have many emotional issues going on simultaneously which can be overwhelming for them and their partners. The best way to communicate to your mate is by sharing one issue at a time without repeating it, unless being asked for clarification. Also, empaths need space to decompress after a conflict. Plan to take a reset time alone to process the issues and center yourself.

5. Don’t take things personally, even when they are personal
This is an important but demanding principle of the spiritual path yet it’s basic to good communication and relationship harmony. Try to be less reactive to comments and more centered so you aren’t triggered as often or as intensely.

6. Use The Sandwich Technique: Make requests not demands
Sandwich something that you’d like your partner to change or an area of conflict between two positive statements. Here’s how it works. First you could say, “I love you so much and appreciate your support!” Then put in your request: “I need your help with something. I would like to meditate for a half hour each night. It would be great if you could give me that private time. It will help me be even more present with you later.” Then hug your partner and thank him or her for taking care of you in this way. Remember to use this technique when you’re raising difficult issues.

7. Observe the “No Yelling Rule”
Empaths become overwhelmed around yelling and loud voices. Our partners need to accept this about us. For the sake of self-preservation, I’m strict about this rule in my house.

8. Don’t be a People Pleaser or try to fix your partner
Empaths become tired when they try to fix others’ problems or keep trying to please them at the expense of their own needs. So practice loving detachment and set boundaries.

9. Modulate the sounds around you
Empaths are usually quiet people. Our loved ones must accept this about us and be sensitive about the kind of sounds they bring into the home. Ask your mate to understand your need to have peace and quiet.

10. Play
Empaths tend to be on the serious side, but we also love to play. Be playful with your partner and let him or her bring out your inner child.

Good relationships are possible for empaths and can enhance their sense of security, love, and grounding. Marriage or any kind of sacred union needs to be a competition of generosity. Each person is in service to the other, aiming to deepen their devotion, kindness, passion, and love every day. Relationship is a spiritual experience, where you can learn from each other, share your hearts, and take good care of each other. Consideration and tolerance is essential. Empaths will thrive in partnerships where these qualities are a priority and authentic communication is the goal.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People,” a guidebook for empaths and all caring people who want to keep their hearts open in an often-insensitive world.



Judith Orloff, MD is a New York Times bestselling author with the upcoming book The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Yourself, Your Relationships and the World (Foreword by the Dalai Lama). She has also written The Empath’s Survival Guide and Thriving as an Empath, which offers daily self-care tools for sensitive people. She integrates the pearls of conventional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, empathy, energy medicine, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in her private practice and online internationally. Her work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times and USA Today. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA, TEDx U.S. and TEDx Asia. More information about Dr. Orloff’s Empathy Training Programs for businesses, The Empath Survival Guide Online Course and speaking schedule at www.drjudithorloff.com.

Connect with Judith on  FacebookTwitter and Instagram.

14 thoughts on “10 Secrets of Loving an Empath

  1. This is good information but seems a bit…haphazard in the audience it is addressing. Some points are directed at the person in a relationship with the empath. Other points are directing the empath in how to behave in the relationship, yet the article is titled as a directive for those who need to adjust to being in a relationship with an empath.

  2. I watched your YouTube interview with Bracha Goldsmith today, and I was prompted to take the empath quiz. Through my own spiritual work, I became aware of being an empath a few years ago. It makes a lot of sense why I am the way that I am, aside from being an introverted/extrovert. I like to socialize on my own terms and when I am ready to do so. This article has just shed some new light on how I need communicate with my loved ones but also with my romantic partners. Thank you!

  3. Wow I am an Empath I’ve known it for many years, I just today ran across this book and ordered it. I had no idea there was any help I have been trying to manage this for years alone been to therapist no one ever mentioned anything to help for empathy. I’m really looking forward to some guidance in this book, I’ve been in recovery 34yrs, this will be life changing I’m sure, thank you!!

  4. My daughter is an empath. She bends and twists to make every relationship she is in please the man. She has asked me to move three times, because he man in her life like my house better than where they were living. I have just moved for the 3rd time. She has hurt me more than she knows by doing these things, but her man always comes first. How do I continue to have a loving, caring relationship with my only child and still keep my sanity. I told her I have relocated for the last time. I am 70 years old, I am not an empath, but I am tired.

  5. My husband is a empathetic medium, and I myself am an empath. How do I set real boundaries, without him feeling disrespected or like I’m shaming him?

  6. I am such a empath that I don’t even know how to love anyone. I do like my space and time but I also enjoy in the company of others as well. My relationships have all failed. Not only because of me but because other things went wrong too. I do absorb others feelings and can feel when something is just not right. When I try to talk about these things, it always ends up in argument and anyone who knows me, knows I do not like to argue. It is emotionally draining. I don’t know how I can fix this within myself and I really want to learn. Learn how to love and trust. My biggest problem with being an empath.

  7. My partner of 2 years just broke up with me. I knew i was an empath but i was unaware i was absorbing his depression into migraines with aphasia and neurogenic pain. As he broke up with me, the responsibility left me and so did the physical empathic pain. Same day. I wasn’t aware i was doing that…. Otherwise, with non loved ones, my empath skill is awareness of illness, not physically feeling it. Now that I am aware I hope i will be able to create a safe bubble. I struggle still with how i will be able to form that emotional detachment between the strong urge to help those you love and not be overbearing and absorbing.

  8. I am a empath also, and sometimes my life does get overwhelming. Although I must learn bow to make it a priority to set valuable boundaries such as alone time when I need it.

  9. I just screwed up a beautiful relationship with the ost amazing woman. As my love for her grew, so did my desire to be a better man. I didn’t feel worthy of her. She’s smart, funny, pretty, successful, and just has her act together. I’m still recovering from a divorce. My life is chaotic. I think my insecurities and shame made her feel pain. I hope I can get my shit together. Maybe someday she’ll give me another chance.

  10. I am empath and I feel everything good and bad I feel spirits around me often I get vived dreams so real ..

  11. I am in love with a empath lady weve been dating for about 6 months i did not know what an empath was untill my friend told me that she might be ,so i did some research and i believe that she is we had an argument and i raised my voice and said some th8ngs that i should not have said so she said that she wanted to remain friends ,but i guess not lovers anymore how can i win her love back without being overbaring? She hasent called or text in about 4 days i don,t want to anoy her a blow my chances of ever getting her back please help

  12. Great to come across this beautiful piece but still after i feel that non empathic people have ability to understand this especially in case of empathic male like me.
    Successful marriage is dream thing for people like us.

  13. Hello my name is charlene i am a empath how can i block some of emtions its too much too handle im very sensitive and emtional its hard because i dont know if they are my feelings or others. Feelings thankyou for any input

    1. I’m an empath as well, it has taken me much inner searching to learn how to deal with it. I started with guided meditation, someone helped me meditate and stick myself in a calm space, for me it’s sitting on a rock by a waterfall (water calms me). Then I got a necklace (I call it my source key). When I’m absorbing someone’s energy and it’s draining me. I just touch the necklace and close my eyes and I go back into my calm space to reenergize myself. I hope that helps you, it has changed my life.

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