In The Empath’s Survival Guide, I emphasize that empaths and highly sensitive people have different styles of socializing and interacting with the world. Most empaths are introverted, though some are extroverted. Other empaths called ambiverts have qualities of both. It’s important to notice what your own styles are so you can honor them. Each day, your style may shift according to your own energy level or needs.Tracking these fluctuations is a form of self-care that will keep you balanced.
Introverts
Introverted empaths, like me, have a minimal tolerance for socializing and small talk. They tend to be quieter at gatherings and prefer leaving early. Often they prefer to take their own cars so they don’t have to feel trapped or dependent on others for a ride. As an introverted empath, I love my close circle of friends and mostly stay away from big parties. Noisy restaurants or loud gatherings can be over-stimulating for my sensitive system. A common challenge for introverted empaths is that they may stay too long at gatherings just to be polite, though they are tired and would rather go home. As an introvert, I can enjoy socializing in groups for usually two to three hours before I feel drained. My friends all know this about me and don’t take it personally when I excuse myself early. Learning the skill of leaving a party or gathering tactfully or unnoticed has been called making a “French Exit.”
Extroverts
In contrast, extroverted empaths are more verbal and interactive when socializing. They enjoy the ongoing banter with others more than introverted empaths do. They also can stay longer in social situations without getting exhausted or overstimulated. Extroverted empaths still need to practice diligent self-care and make time to decompress after a high-stimulus situation to keep themselves balance. So ongoing self-awareness and self-care is vital.
Ambiverts
Empaths can also be ambiverts. As a psychiatrist, I’m often asked if an empath can exhibit both introversion and extroversion. The answer is “yes.” Ambiverts can embody the qualities of both an introvert and extrovert. They are capable of displaying either style of relating–depending on the situation, their energy level and mood. Ambiverts are great at listening to a friend in need, as are introverts. At times, they also may love being in high energy social interactions with a group of people, something an introverted empath might not want to do.
Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert or an ambivert, it’s important to know your limits when it comes to socializing. It’s liberating to have self-care strategies in place for navigating social situations. For instance, ask yourself, “What is my ideal time limit to socialize?” Also ask, “Do I prefer smaller gatherings to large groups? Do I prefer going to an event with others, driving yourself, or taking an Uber, taxi, or Lyft?” If your partner or friends like to stay longer, you may want to arrange your own transportation so you’re not stuck. Clarifying your needs will strengthen your self-care program and help you feel more comfortable in the world.
Set this intention from Thriving as an Empath
To relieve the pressure in social situations, I will recognize my empathic needs and act on them. I don’t have to be stuck anywhere if I’m uncomfortable.
Thank you so much for your article. Now I understand at age 69 why I am what I am. I couldn’t understand why I feel so sad when the weather is gray and why I cannot be with people constantly. it’s draining. it’s my energy, and I am normal. And I am doing self-care when I withdraw and nourish my mind and body. I am an introverted earth empath.
I so appreciate these blogs and your books. Yesterday I was at a brewery with three friends, so outside (nature, yay!) and many dogs (yay dogs!). Still when I got home I needed a nap. I now know it’s self-care.
I really enjoy your books and courses at the Shift, thank you!
When I was young I was extremely introvert, now at 70 I am ambivert. I think it started to change at about 40. I really feel I need both “sides”, which is difficult for others to understand. But I have to live life my way, otherwise I feel very bad.
I am basically an Extroverted Empath. I feel others people’s emotions in my body. I’m very intuitive. I am love to be around people and love to party and socializing. I work in a helping profession, teaching classes, and organizing activities. I’ve also been a performer. However I also see myself also as an ambivert. I like to spend alone time decompressing and spending time alone with myself, reading, watching movies, meditating, doing art, playing on the internet, emailing friends.
Thank you for your information on these personal traits.
I’m an introvert person, . I can not communicate in a group. And I always go on my own car to be able to leave when I feel I can’t take more.
But on the other hand I can sit in a coffee shop or restaurant and write. And the people around don’t bother me ,I’m totally in my own world.
But this thing to be introvert and take everything in that’s said to me make me want to stay at home with my self, but at the same time it’s not good for me ,cos I become isolated. So what can I do about this . I need balance.
Agusta
Appreciate very much this article I do.. primarily because you have helped me to see who I am .. an ambivert!
Basically an introvert.. there are times when I act more like an extrovert .. an ardent fan of classical music.. Appreciate going to concerts .. and yet I also will accompany my three sons to a Disturbed concert! This did not make sense to me until I read your helpful and meaningful piece concerning being an ambivert..
Thank you so very much for this.. I have read many of your articles and have continued to learn more about myself.. with your much appreciated help.. learning I am that who I am is an amazing and worthwhile way to be. Jen999💙
I have long described myself as a chatty introvert. I definitely need time alone and when it’s time to leave a social gathering, I just have to leave. But I enjoy talking with people. I love to go to lunch by myself and read. I use a bookstand and often someone comes up to ask about it or comment, “wow you’re reading an actual book.” These conversations are fun and I’m glad to have them, and as an empath I can always tell when the person is done with the conversation. Then I happily go back to my own world of the book!
Love this Dr Orloff —described as styles of relating with introvert/extroverts and your blog post
I also use how I reenergise best —introverts (solo/alone time/quiet time); extroverts (with other people/socially/environment)
I’m an introverted HSP Empath (relational; physical and emotional)
—open and authentic when comfortable + fairly easily spending time with others
💜
Thank you so much for writing this, I feel as if I’m so different to others when I’m in social situations and ‘hit a wall’ after 2-3 hours. I’ve often pushed on to be polite and then been exhausted for days afterwards. It’s great to know that I’m not the only one!
I do enjoy your notes. Very.o b target and helpful!
Thank you!
Thank’s for Helping me to understand better who I am ! Thought I was Secure about self & then insecure ! Instead I am empath that is an extravert & introvert ! Accounts for confidence & lack of at times & like being in Dojo or gym & other times no thanks to crowds or people ! Thank’s again !